It's Happy Holidays

In a bid to make my bank account look healthy, I've been working pretty much everyday until the lead up until Christmas and I've watched as people of all ages and races come together to:

• Tear each other apart for ingredients to a fruit cake
• Scream and shout at the top of their lungs over some Bocconcini
• Spend excessive amounts of cash on loafs of prosciutto and wheels of Jarlsberg
• Argue over refunds of $1.20/kg mispriced at $1.40/kg
• Exclaim: "Mamma Mia!" at the price of Panettone. For the sake of mankind woman! Inflation!!
• Act out every cliche possible to their respective culture
  

When your around surly and angry people, you tend to be so yourself and I have not said "Merry Christmas" to a single person. It has always been: "Happy Holidays".

Trying to say it sincerely through gritted teeth is awfully hard. If your ever being served by someone over the Christmas break, I guarentee you that they aren't genuinely wishing you a Merry Christmas.

Buch of hack fakes.

[If only presents could open kids. Found this wonderful new artist]

Everybody has forgotten the meaning of Christmas.

I'm voting for the Grinch to win out next year. Probably because I'm related to him.

A-la-la-la-n

NPV of Friendship

I have seen many awful things in my life.

Watching friends fight over money has to got to be one of the worst ones. It seems as if 15 odd years of friendship can be forgotten over a couple of bucks.

What happened was that 2 guys left a bit earlier without helping to front the cheque, which put pressure on the guys who stayed to pay their half. Then some people were now short and one guy didn't even have any cash at all. It came down to one of us paying it all and having the future reward of chasing money from friends.

We then spent an hour, as my friends came at each other's throats on "who-owed-whom" and it just made me so sick to the stomach. Pieces of metal and paper can do so much damage.

These guys were trashed as well and we are in the middle of Northbridge watching as two of my buddies argue over the bill. You could see frustration building in all. I finally stepped in and using my Finance and non-existent Accounting skills, I help clear the air. But afterwards, you could taste the bitterness in everybody and the night was essentially spoiled.

Grand plans fell through because of this bitterness.

Highlights how pointless fighting over money is.

A-la-la-la-n

The Scum Agents of Capitalist Bureaucrats

There are many moments in my short life which I have stood up against the injustice of capitalist bureaucracy. I will be the first to say that the epics of defeats have greatly outweighed the saga's of victory. I am but one in a swarm of bureaucrats who serve no real purpose to our great society except to red tape us from end to end to end. All the while making us fill out paper work and contributing to global warming.

I know that I will lose alot.

But! Recently I had a moment of victory against the ultimate representation of scum capitalist bureaucracy: The Parking Inspector.

The Parking Inspector is the only occupation breed which I refused to be my social well-mannered self. I become a Dark Knight, crusading and being vigilante and rude when it comes to these hacks of human beings. What REAL purpose do they serve for our society? If the Government really wanted people to drive less, they should provide incentives for people to walk, ride and take buses. Positive reinforcement!

Anyways, waaaaay back before exams, I got into a car accident. I had to use a replacement car and this one didn't have a parking permit for uni. I used a temporary permit but forgot to have it up one day. Luck should have it, that I got fined.

Furious at myself and the inspector I decided to go and appeal it. I felt that even though I didn't have it up, I wanted to see if I could fight and win it. So with that in mind, I drove over to the evil lair of the Parking Inspector to appeal it! Don't just accept things! Fight them! Fight things when you believe you are right! And even when your wrong! Fight it all! Forza Anarchy! Forza Alan!

I got to the office, and this Administrative Parking Inspector was sitting at the desk. Is that not the most pointless title ever? MORE BUREAUCRACY!!! But it was her title. Imagine a kid growing up to be that? Still, it was on her name badge. I think she could see the anger and fury in my eyes as I approached her.

Administrative Parking Inspector: Can I help you?
Alan: I want to appeal this fine.
API: Let me see the ticket.
(Alan hands over ticket)
API: Ok...let me bring up a picture of your dashboard. Here it is. As you can see, you didn't have it displayed on the dashboard. You have no basis for an appeal.
Alan: I had a temporary permit up. See, it says I can park in yellows bays (shows API temporary permit)
API: It's not displayed though.
Alan: That picture doesn't show it. It's on the far edge and your man must have missed it.
API: Well, the picture doesn't show it.
Alan: I still want to appeal it. You guys incorrectly infringed me and I don't want to pay the fine.
API: Ok, fill out these forms then.
(Alan fills out forms and writes almost a page about incorrect infringement on the questions of: "Why are you appealing?")
Alan: Here
API: You should be hearing from us in 3 - 5 days if your appeal was unsuccessful. Keep in mind that if you fail your appeal you choose to forego your discount.
Alan: I don't care. I still want to appeal
API: Thanks
(Alan leaves without saying goodbye)

Well I DID get a letter from those hacks a few WEEKS later. Bunch of liars. When a bureaucrat "3 days", there are subtitles below him which translate to: "3 weeks". Hack!

Here's that letter:

[I want you ALL to click on it. Seriously. You can win too]

I am proud of it. I WON! I think I might frame it.

The victory is even more sweeter because I deserved the fine and fought and won it! Forza Alan! Forza Alan!

A-la-la-la-n

Shimizu Grand

Today we shall be reviewing a restaurant...

Restaurant Review: Shimizu Grand

Shimizu Grand is part of "that" chain of Japanese restaurants that is sprinkled around Perth. There is one in Harbor Town upstairs (near the Converse store) and there is also one on Muray St. (near the over-priced Woolies where all the Internationals go). Shimizu Grand is located in Floreat near the Floreat (a good bar from what I've heard). The design of the place has a very minimalist feeling to it. I expected that because clean cut design predicts clean cut food.

The unique thing about Shimizu Grand is that it has a weird policy of paying before you eat. But also on certain nights, it's ALL YOU CAN EAT! That's right, all you can eat Japanese food! Absolutely crazy! I get pretty excited about all you can eat, but throw in Japanese food and I was pretty giddy on the lead up. All you can eat!!

It's $35 a head but there is no wastage surcharge. Or, there IS but how the hell are they gonna make you pay for it? You've already paid. Unique huh? Asian people thinking that people will run out on them.

[This was pretty daunting to be honest. It was really fun arranging it though]

[This was tough as well]

Surprisingly, Japanese food is really filling. REALLY filling.

I can eat alot. But only through sheer will power did I manage to over eat and get my money's worth. But to be honest, the tempura was soggy and not-very-Japanesey at all. And the range of food? There is really NO range! Honestly, every time I was eating some sashimi/sushi/wasabi I would think: "This is just so average..."

Loved the wasabi though.

Katie made had an excellent monologue which burnt into my memory for the night. Here's the gist of it:

You go to the Atrium in Burswood and you eat pork, chicken, beef, turkey, seafood, soup, vegies, salad, cakes and ice cream and at the end you feel you've eaten enough! But here...you eat sashimi, seaweed...and...sashimi. That's why you feel like you haven't eaten enough even though you just ate about 20 pieces of sashimi!!

Sure I enjoyed it to a degree. But I always enjoy food. Katie's point was just too valid in the end. Range for buffet is so important. Which is why I love Hana BBQ in a weird love-hate way. At least with Shimizu Grand, I didn't reek of bbq smoke by the end of it. And that can be a good thing.

So overall, bang for buck combined with minimalist design and mediocre food my score is for this place is a 5.2; go and you shall be disappointed. But don't come back. It's more of a one off thing really. I did have high expectations but it was just soooooo mediocre. And the so-so range just made me so much more unhappy.

I just can't stress how average it was.

Wait, I forgot something.

I give it a 5.5, they give you a pair of cool chopsticks after you finsih eating with a corny line of: "Are you full? You cannot leave empty handed" or something semi-Oriental philisophical like that.

Talk about reinforcing Asians and Confucian stereotypes.

A-la-la-la-n

When working isn't really like working

I'm going through a bit of a capitalist mongrel phase and in my pursuit for money, I applied for another job (and thinking of maybe one more) and got myself rostered onto a couple of shifts at the WACA. The pay is decent enough but I swear. It just doesn't feel like working.

As a labourer at my other joint, I am subject to lifting 25kg bags, unloading/loading stock, handling bulk goods etc etc. In this new job at the WACA I am pretty much paid to watch the cricket. It was a huge culture shock.

My shift at the WACA comprised of me wandering around the grounds and asking anybody if they wanted to have a break for 15 minutes. A lot of people who shrug and not need one too! Those who did, I would then stand at their post for those 15 minutes and anybody who asked me where they were seated/toilets/food was, I would just say: "Sorry mate, I'm just covering for the guy who's' on his break" the dude would then laugh and move along and ask someone else.

It just didn't feel like work.

[85no sunk NZ]

Even better, I got to really watch the cricket live. It was Australia vs New Zealand in a Twenty20 Match. I like cricket to a degree. It's a gentleman's sport and oozes Old World class. The slight downer is that Test Cricket is kinda too strategic and Twenty20 is just so much more mindless to watch. Watching Symonds 85no was just kick ass. And the hecklers are so funny. Hahahaha! Still laughing!

It just didn't feel like work.

[The guy that has to move that huge sponsors sign gets heckled at worse then some of the NZ players. And it's quite the sight to see when they move it and everybody gets up to adjust seats. A lot of shouting with: "Now I have the best seat! Muhahaha]

I felt even more guilty when I watched Brett Lee dimiss Lou Vincent on the first ball of the Australia innings because I was one of the louder people cheering too! I was net to some Men In Blue and they were cheering too!! The atmosphere was crazy; bogans everywhere that were so trashed on a TUESDAY night, hecklers in every section. A lot of people were riled up because of the whole Aus-Kiwi rivalry, alcohol, alcohol-free zones, a winding sign thing and a sell out crowd.

[Even took part in the Mexican Wave. See that crowd? Bogans]

It just didn't feel like work.

I even spent close to half and hour chatting with other random workers on how cruisy the job was, campus life at UWA, units next sem, exam results (oh god...), sports from all fields. My supervisor came along and joined in for a bit before he wandered off again

It just didn't feel like work.

I did the cleaning shift afterwards and that felt like too much work. Five hours. Before I knew it, it was 2am in the morning and I had worked from 8:30am until 2:00am. Do I really need money this much?

YES

At the end of the exhaustive day, I stumbled back to my car which I had deliberately parked illegally and smiled to whoever watched over me.

No parking ticket.

[The best thing to see on your windscreen wipers: Rain]

A-la-la-la-n

The Payrise I don't deserve

Recently, my buddy and I asked for a payrise from my bosses. Let me tell you now, that Traditional Asians and Old World Greeko-Italians are very similar. Disagree? Stick with me.

Both are cheap-ass cheaters who place themselves in morale hazard ALL the time. The downfall of both great cultures is this morale hazard concept. Freaken hell. But at least their both nice people. And make great food.

I wonder who win in a fight?

Chorizo or Chau Siu?

Marco Polo or Zheng He?

Julius Caesar or Emperor Qin?

Ciao or Ni hou?

Mafia or Triads?

Rome or Beijing?

You get the picture.

But back to my pay-rise. Surprisingly I got one. We won't say how much, but let's say it was pretty darn awesome. Plus benefits. I was so overjoyed. I had to do some smooth talking because the overboss just hates me to death. The feeling is mutual though.

Anyways, recently I was going over some of my bank account statements when I was looking at my pay and realised: "Hang on...I'm getting paid quite a bit now..."

It then dawned on me what had happened.

A few months prior to asking for the pay rise, the bosses felt I deserved one and gave it to me without even telling me. I'm kind of slack and don't really check my statements as much as I should but when i glanced over it, I guess you could say I was pleasantly surprised.

But then a feeling of GUILT overwhelmed me. Did I really deserve this excessive payrate?

One half of me says: "HELL YES! Look at Beckham! His reaching mid 30's and he jumped to the LA Galaxy when he saw $$$. His not complaining!"

The other half is saying: "But think about your Left-wing idealogy! Dude, you voted Labor! What would Hawke say?"

[Who thinks Kevin Rudd looks a little asian in this photo? Look at it for a long time and you might think "This guy probably has some Chinese in him somwhere" This was placed in HK to get Labor some postal votes
source ]

Basically, I'm keeping the payrise. BUT, I'm gonna work superhard now. SUPER HARD!

Ever got a raise you didn't deserve?

A-la-la-la-n

*shock*

The best time at work is when the shop is closing up and the store begins to filter out. Some people still come in and think that even though the store is closing up, business should be proceeding as if it is peak hour!

Now normally I can shut down anyone. I will lash at them and publicly humiliate them if I feel their is a need. Remember: screw social harmony. Anyways, I do tend to have trouble shutting down one particular breed of humans. And that breed is the Elderly.

Old Italian Woman: I want some Mortadella, Prosciutto and some Lombo. And I want a few Chorizo. Thinly sliced boy. Paper thin. You got me?
Alan: I'm sorry but the Deli is closed. Slicer is pulled apart and we are cleaning up. Come back tomorrow.
OIW: No boy, it's 4.30. You guys shut at 5! I want it thinly sliced boy.
Alan: Yeah but the slicer is pulled apart...
OIW: So what? You aren't closed! The doors are still open!
Alan: But it's been pulled apart!
OIW: What the f#%k? + hand gesture (see below)
Alan: *shock*
OIW: Get your boss for me
Boss: Alan said the Deli is closed. The Deli is closed.
OIW: (insert Italian words, something probably related to cousins of the owner)
Boss: (respond in Italian with I am daughter of the owner)
OIW: Vaffanculo!!!!
Boss: I think you should leave now.
OIW: Hmph!

[She looked kinda comical like this. Everyone has seen Russell Peters. So typically Italian. Picture from: http://www.absolutvision.com]

Geeze...when you hear old people swear, what are you meant to do?! Especially when she looks so old that when she was a kid, color wasn't invented yet.

A-la-la-la-n